Gokudera Adopts a Dog
by Vampire Scooby
Summary: In which Gokudera lives in strange places, eats fried chicken, and is so in love that he can't tell the diffrece between a murder and a dog.  Or, Crack, coated in crack, soaked in crack.  Small bit of 5927 as well


...Crack. This is honestly just crack, possibly OCC-esque, but it's cracky. I think I started writing this three or so years ago probably as a dare of a joke, found it the other day, and a friend convinced me to finish it and post it. So...here:

Tsuna often wondered how he found himself in some situations. The situation he was in right now was one of them. He was being dragged down to the pound to help pick out a dog for Gokudera. Though, he could actually remember how he got himself in this situation.

The day before Gokudera asked if they could spend the day together. Tsuna said yes against his better judgment, not having any idea what was going to happen. Gokudera smiled and told Tsuna the route to his home. That was the first strange thing. When Tsuna woke up he looked over the directions that Gokudera had written him.

Step 1: Get up and dressed. Tsuna did this. He looked to the list.

Step 2: Go downstairs and outside. Make sure to eat breakfast Jyudaime!

Sighing Tsuna did this. Did Gokudera really think he was that stupid? He knew how to get outside. He sighed again as he looked at the list and re-read it a few times. He walked to the next street over. Sesame Street. He didn't recall that being there before…Oh well, he stepped onto the street and was greeted by a rather large red…thing.

"I'm Elmo! Welcome to Sesame Street!" _Well_, thought Tsuna, _at least I finally know how to get to Sesame Street_…that stupid song had tormented him since he was young. He always wanted to know how to get to Sesame Street. But the song never said how to get there! It was so unfair to all the children. With its stupid "_Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?" _and then it NEVER told the poor kids how to get there.

"Um…I think I have the wrong street…" Tsuna started to walk away when a voice called out.

"I'm right here Jyudaime!" Tsuna heard Gokudera yell. He looked around for Gokudera when he saw him come out of the sewers (that had rainbows coming of it). Elmo looked scared.

"Gokudera-sama! Elmo has been good! Don't kill him like you did Big Bird!" Gokudera nodded and Elmo ran away.

"I'm ready to go Jyudaime!" Tsuna was itching to get away from Sesame Street. He could now guess why that show got canceled about the time that Gokudera came to Japan. He could also guess why Lambo had bird's feet in his hair. So Tsuna let Gokudera lead him away.

"So you live on Sesame Street?" Tsuna asked him, still bewildered. Gokudera nodded.

"Yes, Jyudaime!" Gokudera remembered it like it was was yesterday

_He'd just gotten to Japan and needed somewhere to live so he could be close to his boss. But where? That's when he saw it… Sesame Street! Gokudera Hayato couldn't believe his luck. He went up to the street and was greeted by a huge yellow bird. _

_"Hello Friend, I'm Big Bird. What's your name?" Gokudera scoffed._

_"Hayato Gokudera". He informed the bird. Gokudera wasn't use to introducing himself by last name just yet. _

_"Are you here to learn the alphabet and to count with Count?" The bird asked. Gokudera shook his head._

_"No, I just need some place to live." _

_"But you can't live here! Only animals, fuzzy lint creatures, and gay orange and yellow guys can live on this street!...oh, and vampires that like to count things!" The bird told the silver haired boy. The boy then pulled out Dynamite and lit it. Before big bird knew it, he was in pieces all over the street. _

_And Gokudera ate fried chicken for weeks. Because, Big Bird really did taste like chicken. _

After Tsuna heard that…horrifying story, he finally asked Gokudera a question.

"So where are we going Gokudera-kun?" Gokudera turned to him and smiled.

"To the pound if that's ok…if not we can do something else Jyudaime," He answered looking at Tsuna with eyes filled with love. Luckily for him Tsuna didn't notice.

"That's fine Gokudera-kun…" So Gokudera and Tsuna made their way to the pound.

"Um…Jyudaime?"  
"Yes?"

"I…I'm.." He started before a shout of

"Tsuna-san!" Interrupted him. Tsuna gulped. He knew that voice. It was Haru. He sighed having Gokudera and Haru together was just asking for trouble. He really wasn't in the mood to put up with this today. Haru ran up to the two of them.

"Haru-san is so grateful and happy to see Tsuna-san today! You should come with Haru-san to get some cake!" And Haru preceded try and drag Tsuna away. Gokudera held onto Tsuna's other arm and refused to let Tsuna get taken from him. Not today. Today was Gokudera's day.

"Let Tsuna-san go! He's my future husband!" Haru yelled pulling on Tsuna's one arm. Gokudera narrowed his eyes.

"Jyudaime is MINE," Gokudera said, then he lamely finished "…for today that is." Though, he was really thinking that Jyudaime was HIS future husband. Haru shook her head and pulled Tsuna. Gokudera pulled Tsuna the other way. They both narrowed their eyes at the other.

"Haru, Gokudera-kun! Please stop fighting over me!" Haru and Gokudera let him go. "Haru, I promised Gokudera-kun that I would spend the day with him. I'll eat cake with you some other time." Haru nodded, and made a vow to keep the two apart as much as she could.

"Ok Tsuna-san! Haru-san will see you later!" And with that she left. Tsuna was very glad that he had avoided a fight. So the two walked on.

"Gokudera-kun, you were saying something!" Gokudera blushed.

"Oh, Well…Jyudaime…I…" He started before another person shouted.

"I'm NOT a dog! I don't belong in the pound, Pyon!" The two looked over to see Chrome and the two Kokuyo boy that she was always with. The one was being man-handled by a dogcatcher.

"Please Mr. Dogcatcher. Ken-san isn't an animal. He just smells like one." Chrome told the man. The man shook his head and tried to throw Ken into the back of a van. Chrome reached out and pat Ken on the head.

"It's ok Ken-san, Chikusa and I will be there as soon as possible to get you out." And with that the Dogcatcher took Ken away to the pound.

"Chrome-san!" Tsuna said running to Chrome. Gokudera scowled. He was trying to tell Jyudaime something very important but people kept interrupting him! But he knew that his Jyudaime was a saint and needed to help everyone. He loved his Jyudaime so!

"Boss…" Chrome said when she saw him. She kissed him on both cheeks, "I'm sorry but I need to go and get Ken-san" Tsuna smiled,

"I was actually going to the pound with Gokudera-kun." He mentioned, "why don't you come with us?" Chrome nodded and so Chrome joined him and Gokudera, who was now almost pouting. It was suppose to be _his_ day with Jyudaime! Why did everyone want to steal that from him?

The three soon got to the pound. Gokudera tried hard to drag Tsuna into it without Chrome. But Chrome followed them in as Gokudera was trying to hold his boss' hand. Tsuna half noticed what Gokudera was doing, but tried to ignore it. Once in the pound Gokudera went to go look at the dogs, still trying to drag Tsuna while Chrome went to go and find Ken. After awhile of Chrome having trouble locating Ken, Gokudera called out to Tsuna.

"Jyudaime! I found an UMA! I think I'll adopt it!" Gokudera had his new pet on a leash, and he was already planning on naming it 'Tsuna'. He had the perfect plan for little Tsuna, his UMA (unidentified mysterious animal). It could use that creepy red Elmo guy for a chew toy!

"I'm not a UMA…what ever that is, Pyon!" The creature on the leash said. After getting a closer look, Tsuna and Chrome noticed that Gokudera had Ken…on a leash. Tsuna face palmed at his self-proclaimed right hand man's oblivious-ness. Chrome, on the other hand, blushed. Mukuro-sama had been listening in, and had seen what she saw. He felt the need to make a comment about it being 'kinky'.

"Go-Gokudera-kun…that's not a dog." Tsuna tried to tell the silverette. Gokudera smiled at him.

"I know that, Jyudaime, it's a UMA…an unidentified mysterious animal!" He grinned, while Ken started insulting Gokudera.

"I fought against you, Pyon! How do you not know me?" Ken complained as he tried to get the leash off. Gokudera ignored him.

"Let's go, Jyudaime!" Gokudera held Ken's…er…Tsuna the UMA's leash in one hand while he grabbed Tsuna's in the other. "You should walk him with me!" Before Tsuna knew what was happening, Gokudera was dragging him and Ken out the door. Tsuna shouted that he'd get Ken back to Chrome as he was being dragged out. Chrome watched as everything happened. She really wondered what was going on.

Gokudera drug Ken/Tsuna the UMA and Tsuna (The human) out of the shop and kept dragging them until they were quite a ways away from the main city.

_I have to do it now._ Gokudera thought to himself. He let Tsuna's hand go and stopped walking. He quickly tried his 'dog' to a tree so he could concentrate on Tsuna. Tsuna looked at his friend.  
"Gokudera-kun? Why did we stop?" Not that Tsuna minded stopping. Gokudera looked nervous.

"J-Jyudaime…I…I need to tell you something." He told his beloved boss. Tsuna looked at his friend.

"What is it, Gokudera-kun?" Tsuna half wondered what Gokudera was going to tell him. Knowing his friend, it could be anything from them and the 'family' to him identifying what planet his new 'pet' came from.

"Jyudaime…I-I love you!" Gokudera said quickly. But it was slow enough that Tsuna could hear.

"G-Gokudera-kun…that's…um…I kind of like Kyoko-chan". Tsuna claimed. He really did still have a crush on Kyoko.

"Kyoko is such a lesbian." Gokudera told Tsuna, trying to convince him. Tsuna frowned at his friend.  
"That's not a nice thing to say, Gokudera-kun."

"It's true, actually." Gokudera defended himself, "I saw her with that one girl this once."

"Really?" Tsuna asked. Gokudera nodded, "Well that sucks…" Tsuna never would have guessed that about Kyoko

"What about me, Jyudaime?" Gokudera asked, looking at him with puppy eyes. (Speaking of puppy eyes, Ken was tied to a tree gagging).

Tsuna sighed. This wasn't going to be easy. "Gokudera-kun, "he started, "you're one of my best friends. But that's all…just my friend." Tsuna didn't know how to say it any clearer. He liked girls. Gokudera looked crushed.

"But Jyudaime, I love you…" Gokudera hadn't thought that his boss would reject him. He only had one shot, he raised his hand to Tsuna's face and pulled his shorter boss close and gently kissed him.

Tsuna was lost. One second he was trying to tell Gokudera that he only wanted to be friends, and the next Tsuna was being kissed, and enjoying it, by Gokudera. The two were broken apart by a quick snapping sound and a light. The two looked over by the tree where Ken/Tsuna the UMA was tied. Right behind the tree, with a camera in hand, was Haru.

"H-Haru!" Tsuna asked, looking at the blushing girl with the camera.

"Hihi!" She said, "Sorry, Tsuna-san…I just…love yaoi" She murmured. "I haven't see anything this lovely since I walked in on Kyoko and that other girl…"

"Wait, did everyone know Kyoko-chan was into girls other then me?" Tsuna asked, wondering why he never noticed.

Haru nodded, "Kyoko is such a lesbian." She said. Tsuna blinked. Was the whole world crazy? Tsuna's mental confusion was interrupted by Gokudera,

"Jyudaime…does this mean you'll give me a chance?" he asked. "I even named my UMA after you~!" he gestured to Ken. Ken finally had enough of this and broke though the leash.

"If you call me that one more time, pyon!" Ken pounced at Gokudera, who started to throw dynamite. Haru started taking more pictures, all while Tsuna wondered what was going on.

From that day on, Tsuna decided that his family was crazy. He also decided that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't as straight as he thought. He only decided this when he heard Gokudera claim he was fighting for Tsuna's love.

I did warn you. So, I guess Gokudera was so in love with Tsuna that he didn't notice that Ken was a human that tried to kill him before.

...hope you enjoyed, or at least got a laugh out of it.

Review if you feel like telling me off/telling me you laughed.


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